Battle of the Sexes

I find myself once again in a situation that involves dating men and my tendency to have guy friends. This is never a win/win situation and it never leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling. One or everyone involved is hurt. Fortunately for me, my two best guy friends in this entire world have stuck with me for many years - through various types of dating experiences and serious relationships.

What I don't understand is why men can't tell if their girlfriend/wife has a "guy friend" or rather their worst fear: an ex-boyfriend who's out for something more? Is it really that difficult guys? Maybe you should read, "He's just not that into you." There are pointers that can be flipped for your knowledge as well.

Most women don't tell their boyfriends/husbands if they have a guy-friend or ex in their lives. And that's simply because we know that you will overreact. I'm not like that. I put it all out on the table. But if you know that this guy is in my life, ask what we have been doing. Is he taking me to places you took me to when you were attempting to win me over? When you run into him does he avoid eye contact? If he seems shady, chances are he might have a thing for me but nine out of ten times, he wouldn't come around if he did. I don't date dumb people and so I believe you would know if the guy had an interest in something more than just friends.

However, even if another guy has interest - whether its my friend, your friend or some guy that happened to talk to me while I was waiting for you to get the car - it does not mean that I feel the same or am attracted to him. Women like attention, and this friendship or their interest in me may just be an ego-boost. So, before you pick a fight make sure you have all the facts.

Relations between the sexes is a very tricky chess game because it involves strategies, tactics and maneuvering. And do you know why it’s like that? Because the relationship factor says that romantic love is all about power. But seriously guys, think about it... when you click with a girl and you can be yourself and you have a great time when you are with this chick, but the sex isn't there, or the dynamics of children or family or whatever the issue - when you can feel it in your gut that something just isn't right, what do you do?

You either walk away and don't think twice about it or you become their friend. My two best guy friends were two guys I dated. I knew early on that we should be friends and I took extra efforts to make sure they knew that was all I wanted. Being a friend is privy to extra information - but again, I trust these fellas and I love hanging out on the couch or the phone or puttering around with people I can be comfortable with. This is probably the reason I don't keep people I date around long if I know it isn't going to work. I don't need their company. I need friendship more than anything - regardless of where the relationship is headed.

Some may actually call this insecurity. I've even had a few that have taken it to the level of bashing my guy friends or issuing ultimatums if I didn't quit talking to certain friends. Its difficult in my shoes to do this... again, a romantic relationship is a powerful thing and I tend to want to please my partner, but at what risk? I've tried it all before. Keeping the friend, ditching the boyfriend; keeping the friend in secret and not being truthful with the boyfriend; ditching the boyfriend and keeping the friend. Like I said, its never a win/win situation, but dammit, I'm almost 33 years old and I like my guy friends as much as I like my girlfriends.

So fellas, don’t make us choose between you and our guy friends. Do what I do when I date a guy that has lots of girl friends. Do nothing. Just put on a happy face and bite your tongue. And don’t order these characters to lay off because they’re not going to do it. They’re not going to pay any attention to you at all! You’re at the bottom of the totem pole in this game. In fact, if you get involved or act pissy, chances are they are going to turn their flirt or presence up a notch just to get to you. Instead, learn to practice self-control, patience and discipline. I have to remind myself of this same lesson as well. None of us are perfect.

I believe that in the course of dating and relationships, if its meant to be, the friendships will prevail, or work themselves out and my boyfriend will learn to at least trust this guy friend of mine. If my guy friends end up on the back burner while I am playing the intricate chess game of finding that certain someone I can't live without, I know they understand that too. I have been put on the back burner by them for the women in their lives just the same.

Its just another Battle of the Sexes...