I remember waking up in Dad's arms. He was carrying me out of the house and he put me in the old blue Ford truck. I couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 at the time. I was the only child still. Mom was driving I'll never forget the panic that enveloped me when we reached E. 29th & Euclid, heading north on E. 29th.
I had a the 70's green tupperware bowl with the plate that snapped on top of it for a lid full of cereal. What I remember most though is clawing at my mother's leg and arm as she tried to drive, begging her to call Grandma. I didn't want to go to this place.
Its funny, I can still see the brick building and swings in the front of the gated yard. I can still smell the inside of that place. I don't remember them ever being mean to me or hurting me, in fact, I remember one gentleman trying to befriend me as I hung back in the coat area.
I'll never forget the look on my mother's face of anguish and guilt and sadness as she left me there. In my memory, I went to that daycare forever. When I've asked her about it, I was only there less than a week because I was so upset everyday - all day - that she wouldn't take me back. She tells me that Grandma did come to pick me up early all the days I was there, and yet, I don't remember that part of it. I only remember the drop off.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Battle of the Sexes
I find myself once again in a situation that involves dating men and my tendency to have guy friends. This is never a win/win situation and it never leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling. One or everyone involved is hurt. Fortunately for me, my two best guy friends in this entire world have stuck with me for many years - through various types of dating experiences and serious relationships.
What I don't understand is why men can't tell if their girlfriend/wife has a "guy friend" or rather their worst fear: an ex-boyfriend who's out for something more? Is it really that difficult guys? Maybe you should read, "He's just not that into you." There are pointers that can be flipped for your knowledge as well.
Most women don't tell their boyfriends/husbands if they have a guy-friend or ex in their lives. And that's simply because we know that you will overreact. I'm not like that. I put it all out on the table. But if you know that this guy is in my life, ask what we have been doing. Is he taking me to places you took me to when you were attempting to win me over? When you run into him does he avoid eye contact? If he seems shady, chances are he might have a thing for me but nine out of ten times, he wouldn't come around if he did. I don't date dumb people and so I believe you would know if the guy had an interest in something more than just friends.
However, even if another guy has interest - whether its my friend, your friend or some guy that happened to talk to me while I was waiting for you to get the car - it does not mean that I feel the same or am attracted to him. Women like attention, and this friendship or their interest in me may just be an ego-boost. So, before you pick a fight make sure you have all the facts.
Relations between the sexes is a very tricky chess game because it involves strategies, tactics and maneuvering. And do you know why it’s like that? Because the relationship factor says that romantic love is all about power. But seriously guys, think about it... when you click with a girl and you can be yourself and you have a great time when you are with this chick, but the sex isn't there, or the dynamics of children or family or whatever the issue - when you can feel it in your gut that something just isn't right, what do you do?
You either walk away and don't think twice about it or you become their friend. My two best guy friends were two guys I dated. I knew early on that we should be friends and I took extra efforts to make sure they knew that was all I wanted. Being a friend is privy to extra information - but again, I trust these fellas and I love hanging out on the couch or the phone or puttering around with people I can be comfortable with. This is probably the reason I don't keep people I date around long if I know it isn't going to work. I don't need their company. I need friendship more than anything - regardless of where the relationship is headed.
Some may actually call this insecurity. I've even had a few that have taken it to the level of bashing my guy friends or issuing ultimatums if I didn't quit talking to certain friends. Its difficult in my shoes to do this... again, a romantic relationship is a powerful thing and I tend to want to please my partner, but at what risk? I've tried it all before. Keeping the friend, ditching the boyfriend; keeping the friend in secret and not being truthful with the boyfriend; ditching the boyfriend and keeping the friend. Like I said, its never a win/win situation, but dammit, I'm almost 33 years old and I like my guy friends as much as I like my girlfriends.
So fellas, don’t make us choose between you and our guy friends. Do what I do when I date a guy that has lots of girl friends. Do nothing. Just put on a happy face and bite your tongue. And don’t order these characters to lay off because they’re not going to do it. They’re not going to pay any attention to you at all! You’re at the bottom of the totem pole in this game. In fact, if you get involved or act pissy, chances are they are going to turn their flirt or presence up a notch just to get to you. Instead, learn to practice self-control, patience and discipline. I have to remind myself of this same lesson as well. None of us are perfect.
I believe that in the course of dating and relationships, if its meant to be, the friendships will prevail, or work themselves out and my boyfriend will learn to at least trust this guy friend of mine. If my guy friends end up on the back burner while I am playing the intricate chess game of finding that certain someone I can't live without, I know they understand that too. I have been put on the back burner by them for the women in their lives just the same.
Its just another Battle of the Sexes...
What I don't understand is why men can't tell if their girlfriend/wife has a "guy friend" or rather their worst fear: an ex-boyfriend who's out for something more? Is it really that difficult guys? Maybe you should read, "He's just not that into you." There are pointers that can be flipped for your knowledge as well.
Most women don't tell their boyfriends/husbands if they have a guy-friend or ex in their lives. And that's simply because we know that you will overreact. I'm not like that. I put it all out on the table. But if you know that this guy is in my life, ask what we have been doing. Is he taking me to places you took me to when you were attempting to win me over? When you run into him does he avoid eye contact? If he seems shady, chances are he might have a thing for me but nine out of ten times, he wouldn't come around if he did. I don't date dumb people and so I believe you would know if the guy had an interest in something more than just friends.
However, even if another guy has interest - whether its my friend, your friend or some guy that happened to talk to me while I was waiting for you to get the car - it does not mean that I feel the same or am attracted to him. Women like attention, and this friendship or their interest in me may just be an ego-boost. So, before you pick a fight make sure you have all the facts.
Relations between the sexes is a very tricky chess game because it involves strategies, tactics and maneuvering. And do you know why it’s like that? Because the relationship factor says that romantic love is all about power. But seriously guys, think about it... when you click with a girl and you can be yourself and you have a great time when you are with this chick, but the sex isn't there, or the dynamics of children or family or whatever the issue - when you can feel it in your gut that something just isn't right, what do you do?
You either walk away and don't think twice about it or you become their friend. My two best guy friends were two guys I dated. I knew early on that we should be friends and I took extra efforts to make sure they knew that was all I wanted. Being a friend is privy to extra information - but again, I trust these fellas and I love hanging out on the couch or the phone or puttering around with people I can be comfortable with. This is probably the reason I don't keep people I date around long if I know it isn't going to work. I don't need their company. I need friendship more than anything - regardless of where the relationship is headed.
Some may actually call this insecurity. I've even had a few that have taken it to the level of bashing my guy friends or issuing ultimatums if I didn't quit talking to certain friends. Its difficult in my shoes to do this... again, a romantic relationship is a powerful thing and I tend to want to please my partner, but at what risk? I've tried it all before. Keeping the friend, ditching the boyfriend; keeping the friend in secret and not being truthful with the boyfriend; ditching the boyfriend and keeping the friend. Like I said, its never a win/win situation, but dammit, I'm almost 33 years old and I like my guy friends as much as I like my girlfriends.
So fellas, don’t make us choose between you and our guy friends. Do what I do when I date a guy that has lots of girl friends. Do nothing. Just put on a happy face and bite your tongue. And don’t order these characters to lay off because they’re not going to do it. They’re not going to pay any attention to you at all! You’re at the bottom of the totem pole in this game. In fact, if you get involved or act pissy, chances are they are going to turn their flirt or presence up a notch just to get to you. Instead, learn to practice self-control, patience and discipline. I have to remind myself of this same lesson as well. None of us are perfect.
I believe that in the course of dating and relationships, if its meant to be, the friendships will prevail, or work themselves out and my boyfriend will learn to at least trust this guy friend of mine. If my guy friends end up on the back burner while I am playing the intricate chess game of finding that certain someone I can't live without, I know they understand that too. I have been put on the back burner by them for the women in their lives just the same.
Its just another Battle of the Sexes...
Monday, February 16, 2009
S.A.D.
S.A.D. a/k/a Singles Awareness Day a/k/a to all those in relationships with boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends and wives as, yes, Valentines Day.
Now for those of you who know my history, you know I'm not a big fan of this time of year. The older I get, the more calloused I am, or rather, the more emotionally unattached I am able to be. It doesn't help that S.A.D. and my birthday are within days of each other. Nothing says loser in quite a short time repeatedly each and every year.
I used to actually get bummed out about this stupid little holiday. But I've realized in the course of my experiences of dating and relationships, that S.A.D. or VD is such an overrated holiday to begin with. Seriously, do we need one day a year to dote on the ones we love?
I want the people in my life to know that I care about them everyday or at least as often as I can with the common mechanisms of text, email, phone, facebook, myspace and god forbid, interpersonal relationship habits.
Maybe this will change someday when I enter into a long-term commitment with someone. I think in the meantime, its important for our children to enjoy these sorts of days by handing out cartoon-typed Valentine's to their friends, exchanging special treats with each other and chasing their friends on the playground.
My commitment to the person who is my partner will be celebrated daily with the words and actions I use and the promises and trust I keep with them. S.A.D. is an over-priced day for Hallmark and floral shops world-wide.
I'm really not calloused, I'm realistic. Tell the ones you care about that you care about them. You don't have to be in love with someone to let the person know what they bring to your life.
So on that note, I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day and for those out there celebrating S.A.D., there is no need to be sad about it. Enjoy the life of being single. There are positives to every situation. Maybe I'll write about those next.
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